Living a Values-Based Life

People often come to me feeling frustrated, powerless, or fed up because they see that they are no longer in charge of making decisions in their life. Instead, anxiety, obsessions and compulsions have “taken the wheel” and now steer the course based on avoiding pain or discomfort. Take these real-life instances:

“I love going to the beach but my fear of driving has limited me to a 2 mile radius. I went all summer without seeing the ocean.”

“I want to support my son at his soccer games but I have so much social anxiety that I often end up staying home to avoid speaking to other parents.”

Anxiety or worry can take us off course in many small scenarios until one day we look up and wonder, “how did I get here?” Consistently making decisions based on fear-driven reasoning can really decrease our confidence. We lose sight of our ability to handle discomfort, which can lead to self doubt and judgment.

Make more values-based decisions

The first thing to do is get back in touch with your values. What is really important to YOU? If you need help exploring that, here are a few helpful worksheets to get you started. When you are more clear about your values, it is easier to determine whether your motivation is fear or love.

Let’s revisit the examples given above:

“I am scared to drive, but the ocean air and salt water are good for me. Walking on the beach and swimming in the water is good exercise, and I value my health.”

“I am uncomfortable with socializing but it is important that my son feels supported at his soccer game.”

Note that we are not aiming to get rid of the discomfort in either situation, but rather act on what’s important despite the fear. When we make decisions based on what’s important to us, we string together a series of days, months or years that are filled with things we can be proud of. Even if we still feel anxious, sad, worried or distressed at the end, we will have done something productive and meaningful with our time!